(lyrics & streaming links below)
(lyrics below)
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Girl, you got me wrong
I'm not the one that you wanted
I am a human being
not your puppet to fuck with
I got inside your head
I'm sorry for that part
but the last time I checked
that's what the purpose of art is
men with brazen faces
taking shots at the shy guy
there's nothing you can say
to tear me away from my Guy
my angels saved my life
they held me up through the fire
I owe them everything
I'm their machine gun muse for hire
no, I am not your gay messiah
my canvas is blank
come on and shoot your best shot
the brushstrokes that you make
tell you what I am not
the colors that you choose
revealin' more ‘bout your world
”Welcome inside my heart
but leave a tip, too!”
my cousin is so mad
I used the Lord's name in vain
wait ‘til I tell her ‘bout from where those words came
but I am not your gay messiah
yes, something burns in me
but no one wants to warm up by my fire
first memory’s gum Arabic
the smell, not the sight of it
first thing I knew was gray and blue
white palette in a brown attic
I saw women draped in cloth
standing on a beach, they’re God
ocean wind in their long hair
and Richard sailed along their locks
car trips over to Woodstock
the smell of varnish in the hall
in galleries along the green
I get lost in an Angeloch
city's where they store the art
in meatpacking district vaults
I still smell the way those towers fell
as I learned how to draw
they said Jack came in the box
down by Pier 61
drip by drip, my man was quick
but they erased his other brush
I met you in such a rut
broken soldier out of love
up or down is not the question
the only real answer's love
my girl's on the other side
I'm strapping on her boots tonight
in my bag with honor badges
my heroes of sound and light
two clouds in the sky
reflecting you and I
who painted that?
and did she act alone?
to underline my eyes
my pain tinted in black and white
it's safer where they will never know
he was born in a castle
it's a hassle to raise him all alone
now your boy is a rascal
and harassed ‘til he builds one of his own
Brooklyn 1949
Nancy spilled his homemade wine
misspelled his name
now I'm the only one
who knows about a lie
from 1889
he's penniless
but Isabella's son
so he's off to the slaughter
no cannon fodder
for Queen Maria's boy
in the halls of the fathers
did those monsters squander all your joy?
I have crashed as many cars
as Giovanni smashed guitars
and violins' splinters in my blood
to make me up and flee
in search of a new family and music
in a place he knew I could
but they're all in the castle
and they laugh so insincere and drunk
I'm out here, I'm the rascal
”Gianni, let's go!
You can hide me in the trunk!”
You entered in my hand
and guided me to sand
the precipice between the now and here
just to show your son
the beauty that she was
so when he wept
did you hide inside a tear?
pandemic play out on my skin
oh what a mess we're in now, Jonathan
they're all back outside, we're stayin’ in
shake your fists at God
but this one's not on Him
He's got something to do with it
big garden bed
original sin
jumpin’ up and down on ice so thin
thought you were the shit
had an easy in
but you've got a hard out at 6
"Better not run your mouth" they're sayin’ in my hometown
but those mafia boys don't have a clue what they're talkin about
tell me: what the fuck do you know ‘bout what I've been through?
little pieces of me I gave to you
say, are you gay or are you my friend?
when I change sides they sure seem welcoming
when I came out as bi
those homophobic folks said: "Look! He's healing!"
then they wonder why I razed that field down
so misunderstood when they missed the point
they didn't see me doused
cos I meant every word I threw out
when I sat in that square in the middle of town
oh now what do you know?
they're all out of a job
and she says nobody wants to work
and everyone’s sold out
and they're graspin’ at straws tryin’ to rebuild that old house
but we huff and we puff and we blow bullshit down
I slid inside your DMs
I don't care about your clout, I just needed a friend
all you see is clouded by that lens
I figured that out when all I saw was red
all you saw was yourself, my friend
I was your mirror
I’m a lot like you
I’m orange, you’re blue
you spin to the left
I turn to the right
you’re day, no?
I’m night, yea!
(spooky action from another place)
I’ve got sadness drawn all over my face
goddamn, you look so fine
I’m yours!
are you mine?
(will we ever get together at the right time?)
(spooky action from another world)
I’m your boy
and you are my girl
goddamn, you look so hot
it’s freezing where I am
you’re gold
I’m not
broke my neck
tryin’ to see more than I could
it hurts much less
goin’ wrong than doing good
I’m better at self-sabotage
than a man who’d cut someone that he loves
whenever he leans in to give them a hug
but Ed, your words are just too sharp
for a world that broke your heart
every voice says I’m worth less than a penny
I have no choice but to love you if you let me
step down from the ledge I’m on
just to fall into your arms
held on to your face
and now it’s covered up with scars
but what was I supposed to do?
I am so in love with you
now all I want is to make it snow for you
so that you will always know I do
depression dog
lead me to where
I can thrive
cos I’m on my last life
and everything’s goin’ all wrong
suddenly
nothing is as it appeared
now I live inside of my fears
they tell me it won’t be long
cover me in fresh, floral sheets
like the ones I had as a kid
cover me in a song
where should I
where should I go
if Angela wants me to leave
where the hell do I belong?
depression, dog!
try seein’ things from my eyes
you wouldn’t dare to try
you wouldn’t have the balls
cover me in red autumn leaves
tuck me between the sheets
of your most secret books
where should I
where should go
if I listen to all of my fears
they tell me it’s over
but I won’t buy it
walk down Christopher Street
I am just about 19
Black boys invite me in
and Alexander liked me
yes he did
never had a lover
before that dark-skinned brother
didn't know I that was s’posed to cum
yea, I didn’t know that sex could be so fun
Alexander taught me
how to spill tea, hot, properly
straight drunk couple sneering - it’s ok
Alexander scalded that face
funny, I was smoking out his window
late one evening
gaze across Bergen Street
right into the window
where my great-granddaddy once lived
deep inside of his basement
Cesanese dolce
Alexander asked me:
”Baby, what's for dinner?”
I made my man spaghetti
then we fucked
baby, keep the oven on
you know it gets colder in the fall
landlord left the heating off
we've got each other
my father's got Ukrainian blood
should I, should I, should I, worry more
about America and Russia's war?
how much blood should we share before I should care?
his mother's mother and father were born
on the same soil where soldiers now mourn
I watch them from the safety of my phone
can't understand a sibling’s blood in our hands
my great-grandfather's anger in me
I know every limb of that family tree
but none of the Eastern European branches
had ever had a hold over my hand
at least not that I have known
but if Russia's armies ever took Rome
"It'd surely cut me right down to the bone"
I think, "for sure!" as I scroll past a cousin's corpse
where the hell's our humanity?
should I cry more my baby niece
or one in Yemen or Somalia?
how much blood should we share before we know peace?
how much blood shall be shed before we know peace?
your picture hangs beside my door
the one that looks like we’re at war
but the bombs turn into birds
and I’m at a loss for words
your picture lives inside my phone
I look at it when I’m alone
but you’re so far away
I could never make you stay
I really regret the day when I said:
”Bye bye, babe”
I see your picture in my head
just before I go to bed
I see your soft and perfect hair
I bite my lip and I go there
it’s so hard to fall asleep
you’re not laying next to me
tell me what good is a bed?
you’re not underneath the sheets
I see your picture in my mind
I think about you all the time
we were like the Berlin Wall
no one thought that we would fall
now the people, they just stare
marvel at what is not there